Silence does not mean Anything...

It has been a long time since I wrote here. It is not that nothing significant has happened. To the contrary, a lot has deafened the silence and sanity around me in the past few weeks. The coffee cups still stand forgotten and half-filled with its cold brownish remains on my desk as I rush out in the wintery morning to meet the demands of the day.

Just some times, it gets so hard to go through the hours with the anxiety and tension that fills my work days to the brim. The memories of experiences make me cold; unsettled in my mind when the darkness envelopes me at last. Just a week ago, two co-workers travelled to Guguletu (Cape Town) to meet with community leaders and were tipped off about carjackers who awaited them outside the building - to rob what do they did not possess in any event. I get a call that they 'are coming home' to the office of our NGO and I chill to the bone about the possibility of crime coming so close, again. How do we insure their safety? I make frantic enquiries and are left with the answers from everywhere: It is nowhere safe. It is a risk that you take every day to do the work you do in townships in Southern Africa. There is no assurances and no insurance - let alone any reward to compensate them for the dangers they face. I could never understand the values in our societies, where one gets paid less as a community worker than sitting in a cosy office with some paperwork.

I need to deal with this. I am a white African that want to be here and do this - with all my heart. I have to ask the question about whether I am welcome. If we should go on? There are enough voices of all races that invite our organisation into the midst of community challenges to work hand-in-hand with them as South Africans with a dream for a better future for all. So much good will. But we are also targets for those criminals that see only the colour of your skin and assume that you come with a hand bag of money...

And all that works on days of doubt, like these...is MY SILENCE to comprehend and contemplate and get new energy. But silence does not come. Noises commenting on being safe instead of courageous are deafening today. So I turn to my blog and these few words. And maybe an understanding ear and voice of encouragement, some where....